if someone is regularly cruel to you, that’s not okay at all. it doesn’t matter if they do good things sometimes. they’re hurting you, repeatedly. they probably aren’t even giving you genuine apologies, right? at best, they just keep trying to justify their actions and wrap it up in pretty language and confident tone, don’t they? does that sound like love and care to you? does that sound like anything other than self preservation and an attempt to keep control over you, so they can keep abusing/neglecting you without consequence?
that’s not love. that’s never been love. you deserve infinitely better, and i hope someday the both of us fully understand what it means to be safe and loved, as a mundane part of life. because that’s how it should be. this is not all there is.
Shout out to the people who never had a safe place. Who didn’t have a before trauma. Who were loved but not protected. Who were collateral damage in someone else’s breakdown. Who got fucked up so young that they’ll never know who they could have been.
Shout out to people who’ve never felt safe. I hope you do someday.
does anyone else feel like they’re not where they’re supposed to be???? like there’s just this feeling and urge to wander and find somewhere where you belong??? like everything is a dream???
I love any tiny thing that makes me feel real. I love commenting on peoples posts and getting a response, I love when people ask me about myself, I love smiling at people in stores, I love when I make any tiny change in someone’s life like naming their stuffed animal or buying them a gift they’d like. I love all these little pieces of myself that other people can hold on to for as long as they’d like
“Survivors who self-mutilate consistently describe a profound dissociative state preceding the act. Depersonalization, derealization, and anesthesia are accompanied by a feeling of unbearable agitation and a compulsion to attack the body. The initial injuries often produce no pain at all. The mutilation continues until it produces a powerful feeling of calm and relief; physical pain is much preferable to the emotional pain that it replaces. As one survivor explains: ‘I do it to prove I exist.'”
my life has just been a series of waiting to feel better and never being able to because someone or something happening. I’m tired of going two steps back every time I step forward. I just wish there were something out there for me, and if there is, I wish it’d come faster.
